


Checking It Twice

by Kitsune_Heart



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Blanket Permission, Christmas, F/M, Humor, Podfic Welcome, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2012-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-03 13:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/381992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsune_Heart/pseuds/Kitsune_Heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>San D'Klass certainly didn't have Artemis Fowl in mind when he decided to give gifts to all the Mud Children in an attempt to appease them. Especially since Artemis Fowl can never be satisfied unless he TAKES what he wants. Which includes a certain elf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Checking It Twice

By the way Artemis was eyeing Holly, she knew he thought he had something incredibly clever to say, and she also knew she wasn't likely to _like_ whatever it was. He had that little flash of tooth that always came out when he was most amused, as if he wished to add a little shock of a bite to his yapping.

Holly put down her binoculars, glaring at him. " _What_ , Artemis? Whatever it is, spit it out so I can concentrate! Frond _knows_ why I agreed to share this watch with you..."

"Because, when it gets down to it, I'm a bit more safe with you and your wings than with any other officer in the LEP." Artemis picked a blade of grass, twirling it between his fingers. The elf and genius were tucked behind a layer of camfoil on a steep hillside, their bodies in a hole dug into the hill. The night chill was enough to make Holly's face gain a pink tinge (though, mercifully the rest of her body was covered in a heated Recon suit), but Artemis was as pale as ever, his skin tone closely matching the full moon rising on the horizon.

Somewhere not too far off, Butler was paired with Mulch Diggums, guarding yet another tree on this stretch of river. It was the same arrangement that had been under way for the past few months. Koboi was known to be somewhere in Ireland, and would no doubt need to complete the ritual soon, if the number of _mesmered_ humans running about was any indication. Incredibly powerful she was, but she still needed to gain her powers directly from the Earth every so often. So the LEP was in waiting every full-moon night at each tree in Ireland (no mean task, given their number), and the cold of the December night was not deterring them in the slightest.

"Your _question_ , Artemis," Holly demanded, thinking that the only thing that could deter her from her guard duty was smacking some sense into the meddlesome boy.

"Well...it's only a few weeks until Christmas, you know." Artemis tore the blade of grass in half, then tried to match it together for another split.

Holly rolled her eyes and put the binoculars (LEP-style, of course) back up. " _That_. You humans. So obsessed with an elf that gives you gifts. Did you know King San D'Klass was actually one of the People's most celebrated leaders?" She kicked her legs in annoyance, that being about the only thing she could do in the cramped space. "He founded the LEP! And what do you humans do? Make him enslave a bunch of reindeer and have a cookie addiction."

Artemis rested his head on one hand, propping himself up and letting the grass fall to the ground. "Interesting as that bit of trivia is, I am curious about something else."

"Yes?" Holly said, tone dangerous.

"It's part of the human myth, you see." Artemis looked to the roof of the fairy outpost. "In it, Santa only provides gifts to those children that he deems worthy for the year, based on a variety of factors. Charity, piousness, being nice to siblings, that type of thing."

At the pause that came, Holly realized she was being prompted. Loath as she was to comply, she just wanted this to be over so she could concentrate. "And?"

"Well...I'm just not so sure how he would look upon you, Holly. Tell me, are you naughty...or nice?"

Very slowly, and at the same time, Holly lowered her binoculars and turned to glare at Artemis, who failed to shrink under her malevolent gaze. "Putting aside the fact that that is the most _ridiculous_ tradition I've ever heard of, why do you even _need_ to ask? _Why_ would you think I'm nau...bad?"

"Oh...a variety of reasons." Artemis, glad to have her full attention, caught Holly's eyes. "You're rather violent. You break a _lot_ of LEP regulations. You kiss underaged Mud Boys."

"I will remind you, _Fowl_ , that you were an adult at the time."

He shook his head. "Oh, no. See, I was mentally a minor, if you recall."

"Mentally a minor." Holly scoffed. "You spend every minute we're together trying to remind me of how superior your brain is, and _now_ you play the innocent child act? Not working."

He pouted. "But Holly...I must have been a child for you to have stolen my first kiss. I was so inexperienced."

Holly felt the back of her neck burning. That had been a fact she wasn't aware of, but she had grown quite skilled at masking her emotions, taking Artemis as her example. She just continued glaring. "Whatever. If you recall, that wasn't _this_ year, so the point is moot."

"Hmmm...true." Artemis nodded. "So...I suppose...I will guess you to be 'nice.'"

"So charitable of you." Holly said. "And there's no doubting you're naughty." She paused, then burst out with "Bad!" Groaning as she realized that even that sounded wrong, Holly turned back to her task of making sure a demented pixie did not gain back her powers.

Artemis, having won his first battle, was feeling quite pleased with himself. He decided to start the next sortie. "Well, then what would your old San D'Klass bring to you?"

"Nothing," Holly muttered, "that was just a Mud Man thing he did. Fairies have their own gift-giving holidays."

"Oh...I don't know." Artemis shrugged, looking again at the ceiling of the outpost. "Maybe Santa would bring you a gift that was also meant for someone else." He chuckled. "Mistletoe, perhaps?"

Christmas may have been a human holiday, but even elves knew how humans had begun to use the poisonous plant. Holly's eyes shot up to the roof, ready for murder. Whoever had supplied the smug boy was going to...

But there was nothing there.

She turned her head to Artemis, fuming. "Ha ha, very fun—"

A pair of lips stopped her words. Artemis had taken her moment of distraction to make his move, claiming a soft kiss. Despite its nearly chaste nature (Holly doubted _anything_ about the genius could be described as completely "chaste" since puberty hit him), the officer felt a wave of warmth spread across her body, counteracting the Irish air.

He pulled away not too long after the kiss began, and this time his smile was gentle, with only the slightest twitch at the edges. His eyes were half-lidded, a fondness to the shining blue and hazel surfaces. "Santa isn't real, Holly. You should know that. You're a grown elf."

She couldn't escape his eyes. Once again, there was that vague feeling that he could _mesmer_ her, and it made Holly's heart race. He was waiting. Anticipating. Open to her next move. Begging her to make it.

So she did.

* * *

As the sun rose, Mulch gave Butler a salute and dug into the hillside, leaving the bodyguard to meet his charge and their most common companion. When he reached the pair's hiding spot, Holly popped out immediately, with the biggest smile on her face that Butler had ever seen from the woman.

"Morning, big man!" She hugged him, and Butler was certain she was a little sweaty, despite the night's chill. "I'll see you next month!" Then her wings snapped out and she was gone, off to E1 before the sun got too high.

Butler watched her go, eyebrows raised. That was one _happy_ elf.

From behind him there came a groan.

Butler turned to find Artemis staggering out of the hillside, putting his hands together and raising them high above his head, leaning back until his spine cracked several times. He was smiling.

"You actually did it." Butler said, incredulous. It was not often that his charge surprised him in this manner.

Artemis smacked his lips, sticking his tongue out as he tasted morning breath. Still, he remained generally in a good mood. "Indeed I did, old friend." He began to walk towards his bodyguard, movements stiff, wincing every few steps.

Butler smirked. "She beat the crap out of you, didn't she?"

" _Oh yeah,_ " Artemis nodded, rolling his shoulders to get rid of some of the pain therein, "but it was worth it."


End file.
